The codependent parent connects his self-esteem to external approval, which means that he/she starts to fear being abandoned. When your loved one leaves, it undermines the perception of your own self. A person with vulnerable self-esteem dependent on external factors becomes “comfortable”, indispensable for a loved one, so as not to let him leave.
The key signs of codependency
The key symptom of codependency is a shame: a person is constantly ashamed of himself and this feeling becomes defining. He loses faith in what deserves happiness, feels different, lame, the one who deserved this pain. Concomitant manifestations include:
● the need to take everything under control;
● a sense of responsibility for others;
● strong feelings of guilt;
● feeling that he/he is not worthy to be happy;
● striving to find approval, attempts to please by all means;
● painful perception of being criticized;
● dependence of the state of mind on others;
● problems with recognition of personal boundaries;
● communication problems.
One of the major problems of codependency is the difficulty of understanding the symptoms. A person suffering from codependency recognizes manifestations as criteria for strong love for his partner.
The codependent parent experiences negative emotions and is ashamed of this. He may be angry with himself for being rage, while depression is perceived as something wrong and unacceptable.
Some researchers see codependency as an anxious attachment style. Indeed, these phenomena have a lot in common: an anxious style of attachment interferes with bonding, makes one feel intense anxiety, thinks that the person is worse than others and does not deserve to be happy. This always results in strong dissatisfaction.
Another typical sign of codependency is inadequate, namely low self-esteem. A person cannot make decisions on his own, he always looks back at a partner or loved one, does not feel his desires, focuses on the needs of his/her partner.
An experienced physicist can recognize all the signs of codependency. That is why comprehensive work with the addict's family allows you to get impressive results in treatment.